Ego

Ego, now I started to realize how devastating it could be.... I am also trying so hard to understand why people willing to sacrifice everything just to protect their egos. All these while, I have been thinking the same question, but I still can't make myself to believe a person can just dump other person like rubbish if he/she is somewhat has some meaning to his life. So, the only possibility I could think of, is that the person who get dumped, he /she doesn't even mean anything to the person. Then only it make sense.....

Honestly, I trying to figure out.... what ego can bring to one's life...... but I really can't think of any, in fact it will only make you harder and harder to face your trueself.....

I am simple person, I hate guessing, well, I dun think ppl will believe this. Ppl always think I am complicated person, always act crazily, screw up my own life, rejected all the offers which they all seem like a big chances to me..... these are all ppl can see from me... but they just dun know I did everything with reason... and i am really just a simply person... try to live a simple live.... unfortunately , nobody seems to believe me..........

Actually, I also dun know what is this post about... just something hing my mind that I wish to share...

Too many things soar in mind, but none can be spoken out...

Do you guys ever had this kind of feeling, where you have so many things wanted to say.. but none of it should be spoken.. or none of them will have any more meaning even is been spoken out....
for example: like asking a person why he treats you like that, or tell him how much you love and miss him, how you wish to spend your life together with him, how you wish him to back to your life..... all these will became meaningless .. it doesn't bring any more meaning if the person doesn't even bother about you... even worse, if he is already fall in love with somebody else...
what will you guys do when you guys facing these kind of  situation? for my case, music is my remedy... I need to listen to some sad songs, I need to channel my frustration out.. I need to cry, and stupidly I wish he knows I was crying for him.. so so so stupid , right? but i just can't help... this is just the feeling appears in my mind , i didnt purposely wish to be like this , it just happened, hehe, i guess i long for his sympathy, which I know it will never happened, never happened..... am I suck? yes , I know I am , but I just can't help...
Not all the questions in this life have it answers, I am starting to realize and accept this rule of living, it hurts and frustrating to know this, when you have the question, but you don't even know how or where to ask, everything stuck in you, is suffocating , hard to breathe..... "why why why... "is always the thing I wanted to know...
It is definitely not an easy or good thing to enjoy to be a person who has too many secret in you...  is tiring , really tiring , you don't know how or who to turn to when you needed someone.. some people will tell me, god is my answer, but .. to me, at least , at this moment , is not easy to find god... God in my heart? well , yah.. I believe so, he willing to listen to me ? well, i agree too, but maybe we still have some little problems in the communication, maybe I can't express myself effectively, so god doesn't understand me , or he just doesn't' speak my language, so we have this kind of difficulty in our communication. I know he loves me , probably I just dun know how to appreciate all the things he had done to me..... coz I am only feeling the pain in my life.. so far.....
I miss him, I love him, I really  really miss him... but.. anyone on earth cares about this?? ....... apparently no.... apparently... nope..................  I guess I can only listen to my songs... sometimes , is it one way communication is better than 2 way communication?