I will be better, I will be stronger, but I will not let you turn me to a hater!

Seriously, my heart is aching while I am writing this. All these while, or maybe all these years, I should say, I try to be honest to myself, and to as many people as I can. I give my heart to everyone that I love, and I always believe my efforts will someday be appreciated. Sometimes, no matter how the situation seems unright, I will still tell myself, it is just an obstacle, when we overcome it, everything will be alright. But ironically, none of the occasions turned out to be alright.

I tell myself, I don't wanna store hatred in my life. That's just not what I want for my life. I am a Scorpio, a highly potential hater and I could tell you firmly that I am the ( most ) typical Scorpio on earth. But after all these years of my observation, I noticed that most of the people on earth tend to hypnotize themselves by the characteristics of their star sign. Yes, I agreed with the characteristics pointed out by each star sign. I am Scorpio too as I mentioned earlier, I know jealousy and possessiveness are my biggest problem when it comes to relationship. But I chose to fix them, fix these problems, control my emotion. I wish I could be a man who will try to fix the imperfection of my personality, instead of being a person who lives with the imperfection proudly, and tell the whole world this is who I am.... it is really stupid ,an idiot proclamation in the eyes of mine . It is not hard for you guys to find some people like this in your daily life, people who will tell you that they are Scorpio ( or other star signs ), destined to fill with jealousy and possessiveness, and most of the time, they will only leave you an option of " take it or leave it".

And about this " take it or leave it " thing, it seems to love me so much as I always confront with this offer.  Whenever I try my best to work the relationship out, most of the time I will be offered this option.. " take it or leave it". Yes, it is frustrating, it will pull me down for a period of time, in short, it hurts.

But this is what I realized from some of my recent cases lately --  it could be hurt, it could almost killed you, but you have to hold on, because it is not your fault, you be honest to yourself every single second in your life, so you should be proud of yourself. I am Scorpio, but I will prove to you I can be more than a Scorpio, ( in fact, I am already being more than a Scorpio after all these years of my self-training ), and I will still progress to a better personality. This is all because I don't wanna simply tell people: " I am a Scorpio", shallowly.

I will be better, I will be stronger, but I will not let you turn me to a hater! Thanks for everyone who had ever taught me lesson in my life.

不知所谓的一篇Post

顾名思义, 这是一篇不知所谓的Post, 这几天有很多零零碎碎地想法出现在我的脑里, 但都很短，很零碎，我想并没有办法把他们便成文章，我想，竟然是这样，好，我就把这些风马牛不相及的想法放在同一片文章里，管他们有没有关系，反正，也不会有人管，不会有人看。。

 首先，我想讲，有时我很享受自己邋邋遢遢的样子，满身臭臭的，头发乱的像杂草，几天没冲凉的样子，颓废真的很爽，不必神经兮兮地担心别人怎么看你，反正自己已经感觉自己像垃圾了，还管其他干吗？

听了好几天的“寂寞寂寞就好”， 有时哭着听，有时麻木地听，有时好像有所领悟地听， 还有其他的心情， 我也没办法把它们一个个的记起， 总之，这首歌就这样不断的在Ipod重复，在我耳边重复，快上前次了吧，不过不但我没有作呕，反而慢慢习惯上了，有种依赖的感觉。 “我寂寞寂寞就好，这时候谁都别来安慰拥抱，就让我痛到受不了， 想到快疯掉，死不了就还好！ ”这一句真的很过瘾， 然后我今天又看到朋友post 了YSL 受访的节目，他是一个虔诚的基督教徒，他说“耶稣已经为你分配好人生了”， 呵呵呵，大概是酱吧，我也忘记了它是怎么说的，虽然我没有信教，可是我一直都相信有比人类再高一点层次的力量存在， 所以我好像突然领悟了什么，可能我跟他，注定不再这时间相处在一起，又或者我们的缘分仅仅就到此罢了， 还是可能以后我们还有相遇的机会， 很多很多的可能，只是当下的情况，就只能这样了，我应该算是有尽力吧，该做的我都做了，没做的应该就是我还不懂事应该做的吧。

然后，老豆昨天突然说他下午突然好晕，然后还给我他的ATM Card 的密码，说如果他有什么事的话，就把所有钱都拿出来，忽然间，我想起了我跟老天的交换，我曾经说过用我的十年换回老豆的生命，现在算一算，应该要十年了，我心头寒了一下， 不担心就假的， 不伤心也是假的， 十年了，我都没给我的双老什么，叹~ 我又哭了。。。。 我也不懂怎么说下去了。。。

寂寞寂寞就好 - 田馥甄 ( Just let me be lonely for a while, then I will be OK - Hebe )

Since a few days ago, I can't help immerse myself into this song, because this song somehow helps me release some of the tensions in my heart. I love the way this girl helps herself heal the wound of love, so clear-cut, and she tries to heal the wound all by herself, which is really similar to the way I always wish that I could achieve..I don't know if her horoscope is Scorpio too, but this song really embodies the way how Scorpio handle their relationship.......  And finally, I really need to sing this song out loud, with or without tears !!!!  ;)

寂寞寂寞就好 - 田馥甄  ( Just let me be lonely for a while, then I will be OK  - Hebe )

還是原來那個我               
It still the old me                  

不過流掉幾公升淚所以變瘦
Just that I have shed a few liter of tears, so I look thinner

對著鏡子我承諾                     
I swear in front of the mirror      

遲早我會還這張臉一堆笑容
I will bring back a pile of smiles to this face sooner or later

不算什麼                         
Doesn't really matter         

愛錯就愛錯
Just accept it if we happened to love the wrong person

早點認錯早一點解脫
The sooner you admit the fault, the sooner you get relief

* Chorus 

我寂寞寂寞就好
Just let me be lonely for a while, then I will be OK

這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱
At this moment, don't any one of you come to comfort or hug me

就讓我一個人去痛到 受不了                                              
Just let me be alone to feel the pains that I almost can't handle    

想到 快瘋掉
To think until it could almost make my crazy

死不了就還好
If these don't kill me, then I will be OK

我寂寞寂寞就好
Just let me be lonely for a while, then I will be OK 

你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑
You really don't need to come into my memory and smile to me

我就不相信我會 笨到 忘不了                                     
It is no way I could be so stupid until can't forget you       

賴著 不放掉
And linger there, refuse to let go....

人本來就寂寞的                        
Human are meant to be lonely     

借來的都該還掉
Whatever we borrow will need to return back somehow

我總會把你戒掉
So I will quit you someday


還是原來那個你     
It still the old you        

是我自己做夢你有改變什麼
I am too naive to think that you have changed 

再多的愛也沒用     
It is just useless no matter how much love we put in 

每個人有每個人的業障因果
Because everybody has their own sin and karma 

會有什麼                 什麼都沒有
What will we have     We will have nothing

早點看破                                               
Understand this as soon as possible           

才看得見以後
Then only we can see the future

Repeat Chorus *

人本來就寂寞的                                我總會把你戒掉
Human are meant to be lonely               I will quit you someday

相信 Believe - 孙燕姿 Stefanie Sun

Well, I went to KTV yesterday and I sang one of my all time favorite song - Stefanie Sun's "Believe". After that, an interesting thought popped out in my mind, I think I should try to translate this song or any song that i like into English and publish it on my blog.. hahaha. The reason why I wanna do this is because I like to share nice song with others, especially for those who don't know chinese, let them have a chance to feel all these nice piece of songs** although I know no one is reading my blog.... hahhaha**. But, the biggest reason is that I think by this way, I can improve my lousy English indirectly.. wahahhaha.

Yes yes I know, you can find thousands of  grammatical errors in my post, and if you can't stand with it, go to next blog please.. :D  But if you are so kind enough to correct me, yes!! you are so welcome x 100  times!! :D

Ok , lets talk about the translation first, well, I have to say this upfront, my translation is not really exactly literally translate from the Chinese lyrics, I will somehow add in some appropriate words to make the English translation smoother and let it fully carry out the essential emotion of the Chinese lyrics tries to bring out. I think this is important, because I found that some English translation of the Chinese Lyrics don't really able to fully bring out the true emotion of the original version, due to the differences of expression between English and Chinese.  But, again.. if anyone of you have a better suggestion of my translation, feel free to tell me, I would be happy to hear it and I can learn new thing by this way too.. hehhehe

I will give the Chinese pronunciation too, in case anyone wish to learn Chinese via pop songs ** haha, I mean if there is anyone who bothers to read my blog** hahhaha.

Ok ok, cut the shit, let's get started!!!

相信 - 孙燕姿    Xiang Xin - Sun Yan Zi
Believe -Stefanie Sun

突然觉得我只是一个人
Tu Ran Jue De Wo Zhi Shi Yi Ge Ren 

I feel alone suddenly

有点孤单浅浅的忧郁
You Dian Gu Dan Qian Qian De You Yu

feel a bit lonely, feel a bit blue

我不知道明天会不会很美丽
Wo Bu Zhi Dao Ming Tian Hui Bu Hui Hen Mei Li 

I don't know if tomorrow a beautiful day

虽然今天天很蓝
Sui Ran Jin Tian Tian Hen Lan 

Although the sky is blue today

而云很白
Er Yun Hen Bai

and clouds are white

风很凉
Feng Hen Liang 

Winds are breezy

今天日记空白没有关系
Jin Tian Ri Ji Kong Bai Mei You Guan Xi 

If today's diary is left blank, it doesn't matter

不必每件事情都在意
Bu Bi Mei Jian Shi Qing Dou Zai Yi 

Don't need to mind on every tiny little thing

不想工作
Bu Xiang Gong Zuo 

Don't feel like wanna work

不想困扰自己
Bu Xiang Kun Rao Zi Ji

Don't wanna bug myself

不必刻意想你
Bu Bi Ke Yi Xiang Ni 

and don't need to miss you purposely too

该是我的总会来
Gai Shi Wo De Zong Hui Lai

Whatever thing that belongs to me will come to me afterall

就算挑战
Jiu Suan Tiao Zhan 

Even challenge is what it is

我不走开
Wo Bu Zou Kai 

I won't walk away from it

Chorus 


一点点你的微笑
Yi Dian Dian Ni De Wei Xiao 

A little bit of your smile 

已经让我觉得温暖
Yi Jing Rang Wo Jue De Wen Nuan 

Is enough to warm me up

我还不懂坚持
Wo Hai Bu Dong Jian Chi 

I still don't know how to hold on in my life

正好让我
Zheng Hao Rang Wo 

And this could be the perfect time for me 

学会去爱
Xue Hui Qu Ai 

to learn the way to love

我曾经看见困难
Wo Ceng Jing Kan Jian Kun Nan 

I used to confront with obstacles 

变得胆小
Bian De Dan Xiao 

I became coward

不够勇敢
Bu Gou Yong Gan 

Not brave enough

但还是要相信
Dan Hai Shi Yao Xiang Xin 

But I still have to believe

相信感觉
Xiang Xin Gan Jue 

Believe in feelings

相信简单
Xiang Xin Jian Dan 

Believe in simplicity 

有一天, 当我懂得现实也许更灰心
You Yi Tian , Dang Wo Dong De Xian Shi Ye Xu Geng Hui Xin

One day, I might be more frustrated when I understand the reality 

至少现在让我去相信
Zhi Shao Xian Zai Rang Wo Qu Xiang Xin 

But at least now, let me believe the way I believe it is

哦
O

Oh~~

我还是会相信
Wo Hai Shi Hui Xiang Xin 
I will still believe

相信感觉
Xiang Xin Gan Jue

Believe in feelings

相信简单
Xiang Xin Jian Dan 

Believe in simplicity 

白头偕老

突然很想写一些关于这题目的感想，因为听到隔壁Antie 跟Uncle 分开了。首先，我很想说，我很羡慕那些老夫老妻，公公婆婆，年老了，还可以手牵手，慢慢地一起去散步，我有看过，真的有看过，只是在我身边的例子，确实少之又少，　勉强可以及格的，就只有三楼Antie 罢了。

讲起“白头偕老”，就让我思考起“感情”这回事，感情好像真的挺烦人的，应该就好像金钱一样吧，一般人都不能没有它，＊＊仙人除外＊＊　，　但是它始终会让人有爱有恨，有时也烦，没有时也烦。说真的，“白头偕老”，　一个看起来多么平凡的四个字，却那么令人向往，当你老得双脚走的不太灵活时，有个人愿意陪着你，当你老来生活过得乏味时，还有人在旁唠唠叨叨，或被你唠唠叨叨，呵呵呵，终之，　就算全世界到嫌你老的时候，　你知道还有人要你，那种窝心的感觉，一定很甜的。。。　

感情这回事，有时真的很妙，没有绝对的，这一秒你认为对的，下一秒可能就会被现实全盘推翻，当你承认了错误，也可能会在后来的后来发现原来承认错误才是一个错误。你如果想玩这游戏，你就需要有那份能耐，如果你不想玩，那你需要可以按奈得住的心，他是毒药，也是蜜糖。我不懂我这一番见解有没有错，可能事实并非如其，只是在一个迷途者的眼里，这就是他所看的到的。。。

天天跟上天祷告，可以为“白头偕老”这一堂课争取多一点学分吗？哈哈哈哈哈　

我爱听歌

我爱听歌，它好像总是会给我一点想法，在我不开心的时候， 又或者在我自己也不知道我开心还是不开心的时候。

我爱听歌，因为我很容易寂寞， 听着歌的我， 我会觉得我并不是一个人，就起码在歌还播放着的时候。

我爱听歌，我可以听到很多和我类似的故事，在心痛的要死的时候，它会告诉我，不必死，因为有人活过来了。

我爱听歌，因为在我连我自己也不懂怎么形容我内心的感受时，它会很乐意的为我一字一句的说出我的心声。

我爱听歌，因为有时， 我觉得他比我的朋友，甚至我自己，更了解我自己，它像个智者，也像个宽容者，他容纳了我所有的不完美，从不计较我的懦弱。

我总是爱自己一个人躲在一角偷偷得哭，为他哭得那个人，他永远不会懂我为他哭过。我不应该哭？ 那后果一定就是等着崩溃那一刻的来临。所以，我总爱听着一些催泪的歌，然后让自己的眼泪顺畅的流个痛快。

这时候的我，听着静茹的 《情歌没有告诉你》， 流着泪。。。。 为什么？如果我说我也不知道，你会相信吗？如果以后我遇到一首能形容我流泪的原因的歌，我再让它告诉你吧！

他妈的！！

他妈的！！ 搞了老半天，原来是他作弄我， 他并没有叫他的朋友来，可是，就因为这种无聊的玩笑气了我老半天，真的一点也不好玩，这样一直被气的话， 我应该很快就会挂掉了。

说真的，知道了以后，心情也没有什么好转，只是没有恶化罢了，所以整晚也都 down down 的， 嘿，无端端心情又坏了一天，有够白痴，其实心情每天被他牵着走，真的不好受，突然， 在我脑中，浮现一首歌 ， Staccio Orrico 的 Stuck 。虽然不是完全符合我的情况啦，不过也有部分歌词是我的心声。。。。。

I… can’t get out of bed today
Or get you off my mind
I just can’t seem to find a way
To leave the love behind


I ain’t tripping
I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying
You know what I mean


You’ve kept me hanging from a string
While you make me cry
I’ve tried to give you everything
But you just give me lies


I ain’t tripping
I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying
You know what I mean


Every now and then when I’m all alone
I’d be wishing that you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool
There’s nothing I can do
I’m such a fool for you


I can’t take it
What am I waiting for?
I’m still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
It’s true, I’m stuck on you


Now loves a broken record that’s been
Skipping in my head
I keep singing yesterday
Why we have to play these games we play


I ain’t tripping
I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying
You know what I mean
Every now and then when I’m all alone
I’d be wishing that you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool


I can’t take it
What am I waiting for?
I’m still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
It’s true, I’m stuck on you


Every now and then when I’m all alone
I’d be wishing that you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool
There’s nothing I can do
I’m such a fool for you


I can’t take it
What am I waiting for?
I’m still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
Don’t know what to do
I’m stuck on you

Don't Waste Ur Time On Ppl Who Will Not Willing To Waste Their Time On U Vs Start Giving....

正当我对自己说"不要再浪费时间在那些不会在你身上浪费时间的人"的时候, 我却看到他在fb 放了一个“Start Giving " 得status...   , 很讽刺，不是吗？这个情况看在我眼中，这些东西好像在暗示我，我顿时变得不懂得付出，施舍。 可是我自问，我一直都在付出啊，时间，金钱，精神， 哪一个是我不肯付出的？ 几乎都没有。我在乎一个人，眼看他不在乎我，我还是义无反顾地去在乎他，我知道我配不上他， 可是我也没有过什么过分的要求，但是今天， 我的心也真的是灰了一下，我感觉我有时连朋友应有的尊重也得不到， 我知道我们每个星期五去游泳，并不是什么大事，就算他多带几个朋友，我也不会怎样** 虽然我并不希望**， 可是，如果真的有多带朋友，我真的觉得最起码应该通知我一声，我并不是希望他对我报告，可是，让大家预先知道清楚， 情况不会更好吗？ 事情不是应该都这样吗？

所以，一直以来，朋友都说我傻，因为无论我做什么事，我都或多或少抱着有奇迹出现的机会，无论那件事看起来是多么不可能有奇迹。 我也一直相信会有人看见我的真心，不停地也不怕付出我的真心，伤痕累累还是一样的给，可是，情况到现在也一样，我并没有看到什么奇迹，也没有福气遇到可以看见我真心的人。我抱着满怀的伤感，却期待着美丽的未来，这样行得通吗？ 当然不行，哈哈哈，我一直不是在努力着让自己快乐吗？说真的，真是他妈的难啊~~！！